Air Travel Now Safe - Passengers not Allowed on Planes

Yesterday, Captain Bleu Sky, President of MACCAs (Make American Commerical Carriers Absolutely Safe), announced that beginning January 1, 2007, no passengers would be allowed to board any domestic or overseas flights of American commercial airlines. He went on to say that this is the only way air travel can be made completely safe from terrorist attacks. He informed the press covering his news conference that MACCAs considered several other approaches before taking this drastic step, such as:
- Banning all carry-on luggage
- Banning all luggage
- Banning men between the ages of 18 and 75 from flying on commercial aircraft
- Banning all persons whose surnames end in either a vowel or consonant from flying,

but banning all passengers from boarding aircraft was the only measure that would make flying totally safe and that would not be considered discriminatory or profiling.

Captain Sky wants to reassure the traveling public that they will still be able to purchase plane tickets and book vacation trips; they just will not be able to use their airline tickets. To quote the Captain: "In this age of cyberspace and virtual worlds, is physical travel really necessary? Would it not be much better to take virtual trips and virtual vacations? You can reserve lodging at a five-star resort and simply stay home and view your resort on the Web in the comfort and safety of your own home. You will still be able to pay the full cost of your virtual vacation as though you were physically going to travel to your destination, without having to put up with all the hassles of packing, unpacking, driving to the airport, standing in long lines at the security counter, getting sunburned, over-eating all that great resort food, etc. I definitely think that actual, physical travel will soon come to be seen as a relic of our decadent distant past."